Is it possible to raise a child for good? - Vekerdy ​​answers

What has become of valuables? Are there any values ​​today? Or is there only one value that everyone recognizes: money?

Is it possible to raise a child for good? - Vekerdy ​​answers

Last time, my little granddaughter fell, shook her knees, was uncomfortable romping, pushing her mother to try to wash the wound, and when I insisted on a nearly six-year-old boy to " don't tell me that much, it's okay for him to have fallen ... Could he be right? asks a grandpa. He goes on to say that he had succeeded in comforting the child and treating the wound, but I clearly saw that in their eyes, the behavior of the devil, the tolerance of pain, did not matter. Even when we were playing Indian, we tried to put coals in our hands to prove our "heroism" that we were good warriors. I know today you are just a fan of people who are even talking about purity, spirituality, or even just about virginity! I heard from my girlfriends back then that she, you better be away sooner, you don't have to wait. Then the marriages come and disintegrate. And the kids stay there, I learned, and while I was learning, there were readings that anyone who wanted to command once had to learn to obey. But one of my sons has been teased at school because he is such a good boy, he does everything he learns from what the teacher asks him to do, just to say. Isn't it an inverted world? What are these kids for? If somebody doesn't do what the teacher asks, if somebody doesn't learn what's given up? as if it were a winner who can drink more, who collects earlier, not to mention the rest. And who, what kind of stuff. And so we turned back to money. I wonder if all this is for us, and of course in America, but what about the German who is always so diligent and disciplined?

What are the writers? Tamás Vekerdy ​​answers

German Fritz Bohnsack published in 1996 Szociбlis nevelйs нr arrуl the szociбlis bomlбs idejйn cнmы gyыjtemйnyes kцtetben to Nйmetorszбgban mйlyre hatolу vбltozбs kцvetkezett the бltalбnosan recognized йrtйkekre vonatkozу kйpzetekben.Mнg rйgebben discipline, engedelmessйg the alбrendeltsйg elfogadбsa the kцtelessйgteljesнtйs the pontossбg, the renunciation, common sense, faith, dignity, and similar ideas - the list could go on for too long - were dead, and now they are in their place all new values ​​have come down. The people are called "obligatory and acceptable" by German sociologists, the "new"цnkibontakoztatбs-йrtйkeknekHere are some of the most important ones: Independence, Creativity, Spontaneity, Enjoyment, Spontaneous Needs Out, Self-Religion. Of course, there are some who don't accept them for value - but I do according to them, alive and alive, says Bohnsack, based on the examinations that were made. In our age, the problem indicates the inevitable - say, German research - that even a traditionally conservative institution, like the Catholic Church, makes a significant difference in We live in change, that is Values ​​for change, and it has a major impact on the lives of society and, in particular, of young people. It disappeared, it was lost its command, external command, and it seems we are entering an era when, as the poet says, "My leader, an inner leader!" (Attila József: Air!). In the twentieth century, all attempts to track down external leaders have been a terrible, murderous failure.What is next in all of our children's upbringing? Primarily is that we can only communicate values ​​that which we believe in ourselves, and according to which we live. Usually we do not become conscious of our "values", we are more of a sentiment, but from this sentiment we act on the grandfather not to call it "maternal soldier". to live in an age when old, outer "control" is not, and new, internal may not work. But did the gains of German discipline and obedience - as well as accuracy and commitment - bring so much good to twentieth-century Europe? And how clean was the "clean age" when the boys went to the brothel with their engaged fiancée, but the principle of many girls was to "do everything but that," the preservation of the so-called virginity? - by the way, according to others, we have already come to this - an important and creative philosophical slogan is "anything goes", which could possibly be translated into Hungarian, "anything can go", everything is possible ... In this open world, free travel and information the great educator, Comenius what he expressed was omnia omnes omnio, that is everything for everyone - there are no secrets that can be revealed or profitably concealed.All of this, of course, is uncertain, hassle and conflicts it brings into our lives, perhaps, the outbursts of hysteria or aggression, and then rushes over where we might find security, in some kind of outside regulation, ideology, fundamentalist belief. So the danger that grandfathers feel is just maybe the solution is not looking for lost, dead values, but somewhere is created by us (and money? Well yes, if this is the only value, there is a big problem among others, because it takes away our freedom and damages our personality. What's more, money is gives you freedom; the master and master of the slave, the soul and the goods of the serf are under control; but the economic connections created by money make us out of these slavery ...) Let's also try to find the answer (and if so how) to "educate on values"? There's been a lot of hype: we can't raise other values ​​like according to which we live. (Because it will be ineffective.) So it's not a question of what we say or "believe" in relation to ideologies, but who we are (who have been left in our lives), how we survive ... and unfortunately, We have dems and they come to the law - we also speak in a nice, figurative way, as needed. establishing a relationship with the other person (the parent, the mother, the caregiver) and maintaining that relationship permanently. The mother gives birth to the child, beginning with the sound of the fetus ... Let's get to know the experiments in which the hungry infant calms down for a moment by magnetizing the rhythm and frequency of the mother's voice. And the closer this heartbeat is to the sound of the mother's heart, the longer it is, the more it calms down - in spite of the bodily necessities. We also know that the child, that hears the same amount of human voices but only adults, the caregivers talk to each other. (Large-scale tests of the "orphanage".) Later successful values-socialization, the development of personal values. this is an early, physical and psychic connection is the basis. This is where the emotional need develops - the child learns to get and give personal feelings - and it also protects the later impersonal drift. Personality - the level of integrity - wants elementary experience.In the next step, the question is whether this gives you the security of "release"? When the drone rushes come - be it the first, two-three-year-olds, or the later, the teenage years - can you give your child the freedom to safety, in which case I want to " "Watch it. (Hope, today nobody says "there is nothing I want, you can just say I want to ...") It's not easy to execute this two-way movement: hold and release at the same time - like a good trainer who won't hold the gym anymore, but is there to catch him if he falls ... The next question is whether the kids in the neighborhood are congruent, that is, say what they are think and feel, and give unambiguously traceable patterns to the number of unconscious children watching and perceiving the world with their countless antennas? (Or do they even lie, say what they think and feel, not only disturbing the child, but also mentally ill?) Of course not in preaching - "be a good kid" and so on. - because it's all (and always) peppered on the wall ... But for example, everyday mesemondбsbanThe images of the tale, the rushed act of identifying the child, are misleading! For example: solidarity is worthwhile. The little king who, in a tangled cape, walks away on his shrews, but also hears, medvйn. And, of course, the bear will help if he gets in trouble. Of course, we don't have to say that he learns from moral action, and from clinical studies, he thinks for years, decades, and years. (Of course, the ability to eat is obvious, especially when fed with charcoal!) Never forget that you can't can't be direct "socialize, educate" ("tell the truth"; "like a public figure"). This will always fail. We need to be familiar with the professional path that the child's development takes in approaching values. We need to be able to take this path to life in a way that avoids the physical and psychological needs that come from age. my own conscience - "rewards" (and does not punish) justice. You don't - because you "leave you alone" cause anxiety - to lie to your beloved adult. Edouard Claparede child and grown-up parenting cruel saying, "Always the villain you lie to!" - for he is such that he cannot be told the truth, because he will be avenged, he must be afraid of him ...) But later, in the age of nine-eleven, friends in the classical age - if there are other people in the same age - in children, the conviction is that one should not lie to one another, and that an adult, if necessary, may have to protect our common interests. (Appreciation!) If an adult conveys a child appreciation, the child, in his or her moral development - consciousness of age-appropriate values ​​- is a useful, essential, essential for further development. thereby preventing further natural developmentAs we grow into adolescence, we enter the world of divergent values, values, internal and external conflicts. This is just five times the age of adulthood with different chips. The grandfather complained in a letter that one boy had been bullied at school because he was "such a good boy, he did everything, he learned everything he wanted to do" "was said by the grandfather, and asked if this world was not reversed, if commitment and duty were not worth it, and even mistreated. Have you learned to be envious of the teachers, the school, the "society", and more often in the eyes of parents - indisputable values, but also in the eyes of classmates? is sour grape? -; or: two people think about roul, and there is a lot of thought that your learners "do it." Karinthy Teacher Please find a great description of this problem.Your student is in charge. "Steinmann answers. This is a special, festive moment. when we conceived of the dead among the prisoners of the Conciergerie: I could always imagine ... Steinmann! " he thinks about bringing home - and then losing something interesting ... Your learning is polite and endless, of course. your hands and before you choose with understanding and sympathy en looks into the count's eyes, knowing that this look captivates the count, and the count is trembling with happiness that the answer will be favorable. Let's buy a dungeon ... - says the gruf. - A dungeon, says Steinmann, the gruff. But already this is what Steinmann can say, with so much sense, so cleverly: only he knows how much he is losing what he is losing. "And so on ... they unite the differential equations in the etheric sense. "We also hear a discreet and cheerful smile when the next person in charge says crazy and Steinmann, the Count, steals the teacher's gaze ... This chapter the two give you an exact picture of what kids feel about school and in their daily struggles with prodigious subjects for those who are not struggling, not humiliating daily, what they feel about being a schoolboy ... of course, knowledge - depending on the person! - has an estimate, it can. But as we progress through adolescence, differences are evolving between children and their groups, bargaining power is increasingly important, different and never reconciliation between non-explicit valuesRecognizing that the same thing can be approached from multiple angles, from multiple angles, and that each approach can be equally true and your own! Where negotiation is not possible - say the researchers - there is no successful value socialization. In this process, one of the most decisive sources of credit - and one that we know for sure - is that of a person, for example, a person who is a teacher and not an institutional routine. szemйlyessйg is the most effective solvent for aggressors. (This is the eminent ethology, Konrad Lorenz has shown you a good two decades ago, according to your exams.) Is it possible that our schools have few personal elements? When you are a teenager, you bring along original, different behavioral patterns Strengthens creativity and shows humor. These qualities are clearly considered worthwhile by the peer groups, but it may happen - and unfortunately it happens - that the school's reaction to the originality is probably just that: - Son, you're not normal! - or rather: - Don't be original! Creativity - which often comes in the form of "lazy diving" - can easily select "Don't be afraid!", "Don't relax!" kitйteleket. The sharp and humorous - especially if the arrows touch us - can be felt as naughtiness. The third decade of the year has been following the values ​​approach to youth. While there is some fluctuation, as if the pendulum swings from one side to the other, it can be said that, however, a significant change has taken place in the '70s. Life is worthy of contract, life of necessity is of strict work, and of life is of possession.The value of material growth has been replaced by the value of human personality, and unfair competition has been replaced by the need for human unity and the importance of humanity. (At the same time: in the post-socialist states all this was only partially or not manifested). kцnyvben.Related articles:
  • Vekerdy: Because the world is different, it doesn't have to be another
  • How do we sell our bills?
  • 6 things you should definitely teach your baby