You need a law, a language exam, a test for everything, but in order to be a good father and companion, you only have to work with yourself. Not a small job, but there is help if needed.You are ready to have a baby for birth: going to a pregnancy gym, getting pregnant, going to a baby show, and after childbirth you are looking for something to join in an online forum, whether for breastfeeding or for moms. And your poodle? In good cases, you may only occasionally try to exchange experiences with other men in this new role. He is expected to support him, he must stand firmly in the corner, he has the right heart and the stereotypical expectations. It is not easy to admit, even if you are insecure, as this situation is completely new.How do men not like to talk about their senses? The role played by them often does not make this possible, as we expect support, a solid backdrop… the circle is closed. Daddy is trying to live up to the expectations, but by the time they get there, they have to get there.
"It is hard to make a commitment to someone who, as a child, knew that his father had left the family or died with him, but did not mean a secure relationship. Today's grown-up men are overwhelmingly affected by this problem. The number of claims gives false information about this, as unregistered but larger numbers of marital relationships do not have a trace in the statistics, although they are also of great historical importance.
Moments of fatherhood
- The Perinatus Foundation regularly organizes weddings for prospective parents, as well as male groups. Three years ago, I led a group of five to five with the title Change to Father, and now we gave the names of Boys, Men, Comrades and Dads to the current group of eight, which we named two. This is also a sign that we are going beyond the role of men. If there is no follow-up male pattern, a good relationship pattern, the heavy burden of divorced parents starts with failure at childhood. They ask if you can ever live in a relationship, can I be a good father.
Do we want to change?
- It's not only difficult for men to talk about their senses, but to get them in close proximity. A total of seven weekly, monthly occasions just started something, more than half a year a kind of path from birth to present. We make adults aware of what they have had in their childhood, and learn again, correct bad patterns, and examine how we think about relationships, male roles, childhood, or just about our child. Do We Want And Can We Change The Patterns We Made From Our Childhood? In the self-knowledge group, participants can go through their own personalities in the process of choosing a man, a society, a father. Not only are we working with words, but there is even more expression of movement, and men may have a better channel of communication than speech.
A supportive and preventive group is also held by Andrea Mбrton, a sociologist, group therapist and Péter Kovács Csaba educator in the Charity RVV Service. In their many years of work with alcoholic groups, it has been discovered that by the time the crisis reaches treatment, the family has been dealing with a variety of problems for many years and is often incurable.
Alcoholism is often the result of a long, ill-treated or untreated series of family conflicts. With family and parapherapy, this could be prevented, but they do not help too much. For this reason, two and a half years ago, a free, preventive, non-alcoholic support group has been launched for the Fathers and the Future Fathers. Since then, a series of six to eight occupations have taken place.
- I think it is important to always lead the group so that both male and female roles are represented, and in the teamwork I have personified the overriding role, says Andrea Mбrton. - We discuss one topic in the other two occupations in the three-person group. A small presence ensures intimacy, making it easier to speak honestly and better fit into a weekday evening. We meet once a week after work hours, so the risk of dropping out is minimal, we do it in six to eight weeks, and we do not charge for the weekend.
It's good for everyone
- After the introduction of the topic, the sharing of personal experiences will follow - explains Peter Kovács, how the processing is done and what the participants experience. - The male ancestors look for three positive and negative qualities and formulate what we recommend to this paternal line, what we are doing and what we are doing in the same way. There is a topic that participants bring up because it engages them. In such cases, sharing also relieves tension, relieving the connection somewhat.
It is a relief to think that they are struggling with the same situation from the outside, not just ours, we are not so helpless. For example, visiting grandparents or asking for clutter. They want to arrive at a decent, cleaned home, which of course is awesome for a family with a small child or a large child.
"At that time, I was confronted with the men's many, often frustrating, work done all day by a housewife with no appearance at all," says St. Andrew. - Annoyance, Despair, and Fatigue - These are the feelings of being at home for a prolonged period of time when you look at your work to no avail. Her husband comes home with expectations, reproach, quarreling. Here we can see our own situation, a bit distant from our immediate situation, and get a glimpse into our environment, and practice a new kind of communication that is not based on blame, control, but our own needs and expressions.
Participants in the series also summarize what's new in these six-to-eight occasions for their families, some who've done more teamwork. The men sensed that they had changed themselves, some who had called for "his own time" and had just organized a time spent alone. All in all, the bosses also confirmed that their relationship had improved, but all men agreed that it was good for them to experience that they were not alone in their problems.